Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Goodbye Togo?

The decision to leave Togo was a difficult one for me. I knew it was something I needed to do as the job I was doing was not sustainable. A ten hour work day is not something one should have to do in order to keep their head above water. The pressure came more from myself then others but in order to do my job well something had to give.  And they did give. My health was suffering as were my relationships. Not to mention the strain on my love/passion for teaching and music.

But saying goodbye was hard. I cried a few times on the way back home on the airplane. Many of my students were some of the most amazing individuals many of whom will go on to do great things. We said a lot of goodbyes in Togo to good friends as many people wouldn't stay too long. In fact now three years later if we went back, many of our friends are in second or even third postings. Some have even returned back home after years of being overseas. 

Since I was not very happy with our placement in Tanzania for the first year it made things that much harder. Human memory is funny that way. The longer we were in Dar the more the difficulties of Togo melted away. It got to the point where I could not remember the difficult parts of Togo. In fact all I could remember were the amazing parts, people, food and great times. I couldn't remember the frustration, the sadness or even the exhaustion. 

To help me my memory D encouraged me to take a trip back. So in March I returned. Along with visiting friends, eating fufu, speaking French and going fabric shopping, I also went back to the school. I met with my old students, walked through familiar hallways and visited my old classrooms. 

It was an amazing trip. As a teacher I was uplifted. As a person I felt affirmed. When it came time to leave this time I was ready. There were no rivers of tears or anguish and disappointment, just a peaceful calm that yes indeed I had made the right decision. The right decision to teach and invest my life in my students. The right decision to go to Togo right after university. The right decision to leave before burning out. The right decision to go back.

Togo will always hold a special part in my mind as well as my heart. It was the first place we lived. It was Africa as it may have existed fifty years ago and a part of Africa that may not exist again. Would I go back? Most definitely. Will I? Probably not but at least now I am ok with that.