What ifs...

Sometimes I have difficulty sleeping because I fall into the what if while I am trying to drift off. The what if game goes something like this

What if I don't get a teaching job overseas this year?
What if I have to work here this year?
What if I don't even get a job here? What will I do?
What if I had gone to the international recruitment fairs? If I went would I have gotten offered a job overseas?
What if I had graduated two years sooner or even last year? Maybe I would have a job or at least a bunch of prospective offers for employment.
What if I never finished school and just stayed overseas way back when I first went?
What if...

I know its bad to get stuck in this game as it messes with my head and even my heart to some extent. It makes me loose sleep. It makes me feel ill. It makes me mad. It makes me sad.

I try to remain positive but the window of overseas opportunities continues to shrink at an alarming rate. I wish I had better news. All I can say is there are only 7 countries left. Only 8 more schools. And then I have the answer is it there or here this year. Then I begin living in some of those what if's...